


Elgara vallas, da'len; melava somniar

by nakigara



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamorous Character, Trans Male Character, another collection of drabbles (as of now), the archive warnings apply to chapter 3 only (so far)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-18 23:59:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15497763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakigara/pseuds/nakigara
Summary: I can feel your breath. I can feel my death.Collection of drabbles, fleeting moments and encounters. Not chronologically ordered.1. Vigil's Keep, Post-Blight2. Antiva City, Post-Blight3. Battle of Denerim, End of the Blight4. Ostagar, Beginning of the Blight





	1. scarlet red

Ilta’nan was pacing, restlessly going up and down on the balcony overlooking Vigil's Keep. Behind them, the long, blue curtains were swaying in the wind, the stacks of papers and scrolls on the Warden-Commander’s desk rustling dangerously.  
“Commander?” A voice called, muffled, as the person was talking from behind the heavy wooden door to the chamber. Ilta'nan turned around, taking a few steps into the room until they were standing behind the armchair at the desk. “Come in!” 

A young woman, merely more than 20 years old, entered. They recognised her as one of the new recruits from Ferelden, she has only been here for two weeks at the most.  
“Commander, forgive the interruption! I was sent to...let you know… You asked….”  
“At ease, Recruit. Catch your breath.”  
The elf leaned their elbows on the back of the chair and gave the girl something they hoped looked like a reassuring smile. “What is it?”  
“I...thank you, commander.” She took a shaky breath before continuing. “ The reparations of the wall have been completed. I was told that the fillers have hardened up and will be able to withstand an assault.” She paused, seemingly unsure if she was to continue or not. Ilta'nan tore their eyes from the letters on the table and looked over to the young recruit. “Good. That's good. Anything else?”  
“Yes Commander. Lieutenant-Commander Cousland has arrived from Amaranthine.” Their heart jumped a little.  
“Send him up here immediately. I need to speak with him as soon as possible.”  
“Yessir”  
“Recruit….” Ilta’nan paused while looking down at the letters again. “What is your name?”  
“Sutton, sir. Fey Sutton”  
“Sutton, ey? Are you from Southern Ferelden?”  
“Yes. My family fled the blight from the south to Lothering, and then further west to Orlais.” 

The Warden-Commander pushed themselves off the chair and slowly walked over to where Fey was standing in the doorway.  
“Get some rest tonight. The Joining ceremony tomorrow will be tough.”  
The elf swore they saw a spark of curiosity and confusion light up in her eyes. None of the recruits knew anything about what was gonna happen at the ceremony tomorrow, and it pained Ilta’nan to have to keep them in the dark up until the last moment.  
“Thank you, Commander Mahariel.”  
“Dismissed, Recruit Sutton.”

With a small smile, Ilta’nan waved her off, watching her disappear around the corner into the dark hallway before slowly closing the door and heading back to the desk, where a bunch of unanswered letters and requests had been piling up.  
Not even two minutes had they been sitting there to read the most urgent messages when they heard footsteps from the outside the chambers. Ilta’nan immediately discarded the letter they had been reading and has already halfway back at the door when the sound stopped and someone knocked on the wooden planks. “Lieutenant-Commander, reporting for duty!”

The door opened and the elf was greeted with a big smile that would have made their heart flutter if they hadn’t been this tense and worried that moment. Within a heartbeat, Astrophel seemed to pick up on Ilta’nan’s mood and entered the room, the footsteps from his heavy boots echoing in the stone hallway. Before he even had the chance to close the door, the elf closed the gap in between them, crashing their lips together almost desperately. They let their hands slide up the other warden’s neck and tangled their fingers into the thick locks of his hair. Ilta’nan felt the human’s hands wrap around their waist, pulling them in close, but they broke off the kiss almost as soon as it had started, in favour of getting a good look on their partner’s face. Astrophel’s cheeks were red from travelling in the cold, as was his nose; his hair ruffled and messy.  
“....I...missed you too?” He laughed, likewise studying Ilta’nan’s face.  
The elf chuckled slightly. “I'm just glad you are back.” They let their hands fall to Astrophel’s back and sighed deeply. “There are decisions to be made and I need your opinion...or rather, your approval. “  
“That's why you sent for me? How disappointing.”  
The elf sighed. “For once, I'm did not actually want you to come here immediately ‘cause I want you to fuck my brains out, no.”  
Astrophel snickered and raised an eyebrow. “Really now.”  
“Not...exclusively, as much as I wish I did.”

Ilta’nan let go of Astrophel and slowly started walking towards wash stand. “Let’s get you out of these dirty clothes, I'll brief you on the recent developments.”  
The human tilted his head slightly and watched for a moment before he closed the door behind him and started peeling himself out of his coat and light travelling armor. “Right back to business, huh?”  
“You're taking off your clothes, how's that ‘back to business’?” The elf said, their back towards Astrophel as they were busy heating up water over the fireplace in the corner, long, flowy robe loosely drooping down one of their shoulders like a blood red waterfall.  
“Fair enough, but quit trying to distract me, I can tell you're worried about something. What's wrong?”  
Ilta’nan remained silent when they turned from to fireplace and started to help Astrophel to open the belts and buckles of his armor. For a long moment, they quietly stood in front of the human, just dragging their hands over his chest and shoulders. “I…..battle plan changes. I'm just worried about you and Zev, Astro. There's been changes and I'm not happy about it.”  
The younger warden sighed lowly but continued to strip himself of the rest of his travelling clothes. “Alright Iltan. We can overlook it together once I've washed up and gotten dressed again.” He said, glancing over at the desk where he knew the plans would be buried somewhere under piles of other scrolls and books. The sun was setting outside. Astrophel went to light some of the candles. It was going to be a long night.


	2. warm ivory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Not the continuation of the previous chapter, just another drabble)

It was still early in the morning when Ilta’nan woke up to the distant sound of seagulls and the waves crashing into the cliffs nearby. The blankets had long before fallen of the bed which freely stood in the room, sunrays finding their way through the big, open windows. It had been almost two weeks since Zevran, Ilta’nan and Astrophel had arrived in Antiva City, but every morning the elf found themselves amazed by the atmosphere and beauty of this unfamiliar place anew.  
The three of them were staying in an apartment close to the harbor of Antiva’s capital. The main room was a beautiful Antivan style living quarter with a balcony and high, elegant windows that allowed the sun to flood room and paint it in warm light; a canopy bed was located in the center of the room, king sized, with translucent, long curtains that softly fluttered every now and then, with the warm ocean breeze that found its way into the room whenever the windows were open. Ilta’nan adored what they had seen of Antiva so far. It was so different from Ferelden, not just weather wise but also the general feeling of the town and its inhabitants, it all intrigued and delighted the dalish elf, who had never been to anywhere outside of their home country and Orlais.

The elf cracked open their eyes just a tiny bit to avoid being blinded, knowing that the sun was tickling over their back and neck. Right in front of them they saw a mop of light brown reddish hair sticking out from in between two pillows, they could feel their legs tangled up under the corner of the one blanket that had not yet completely disappeared on the floor. The archer also knew that if they turned around, they’d see Zevran’s sleeping face, one arm wrapped around their middle, his chest slowly moving up and down from his relaxed, deep breathing. Carefully, the dalish elf turned their head upwards, as they were lying on their back in the middle of the bed, one arm trapped under Astro’s pillow, the other laying on their stomach.

They wished they could stop time, right there, right then. Wished they could forever stay in this moment, to watch the sun rays dance over Astro’s hair, illuminating the tint of red there; wished they could forever lay there and listen to the Antivan elf’s breath, which was so comforting and calm. It was rare that Zevran allowed himself to fall asleep this deeply; they had all gotten so used to light sleep, only ever resting for a few hours, always someone on watch, always on edge. It was all forgotten in this moment, a distant memory at the most. Ilta’nan dared to shift from their position ever so slightly, glanced over at the other elf, then back to their fellow warden. They were both fast asleep, and Ilta’nan had no intentions to wake them up just yet. For a moment, they too closed their eyes again. “Ara ma'athlan vhenas.” Just a whisper, barely more than a breath. A smile crept on their face. Nothing would ever feel closer to home.


	3. azure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This is not canon :)

Ilta’nan was shaking his shoulders, breathe, breathe, please breathe. Those green eyes, usually holding so much life and joy, they were staring back at them, unseeing, unmoving. Cold.  
They could feel someone’s hands on their waist, pulling them close, away from Astro, who was lying there on the cobble stone, warm blood pooling around him. “Amor, please. A healer is coming”. Ilta’nan could barely understand him despite Zevran being right behind them. Their ears were ringing. “NO, let go of me! Let me…no! No…no…no I can’t lose him too! I can’t…we…. Emma lath…” The Antivan carefully pulled away their hands from their companion, tried to gather the warden-commander closer to his chest as the archer was shaking like a leaf in wind. Ilta’nan looked down on their hands. Glistening, dark red blood covered their palms, the smell of copper invading their nose. Their head was spinning. Was this their blood? Was it Astro’s? There was so much of it.  
Ilta’nan was wiggling around to get out of Zevran’s strong hold when a woman brushed their arm as she hastily kneeled down in front of Astro, blocking both of their view. Managing to escape the blond elf’s grip, the archer scrambled to their fellow warden’s feet, watched as the green light from the spirit healers’ spell illuminated his face. Pale, he was so pale, how could he be so pale? Lynan felt like they couldn’t breathe; their heart pumping in their chest like it was trying to escape its cage.  
“Please..Astro….please…” Faintly, they noticed Zevran joining them at the human’s feet, one of his hands trying to reach Astro’s hand but then falling on his leg, gripping tightly, his fingers scraping over the metal plates of the warden chainmail; his other hand effortlessly finding Ilta’nan’s, uncaring of the fresh blood that still clung to them. The archer briefly looked at Zevran’s face before focusing back on Astro. The assassin’s lips were pursed, brows furrowed, his braids had loosened so that now his blond hair was messily falling over his ears and face. Ilta’nan felt a sharp pain in their guts, almost as if someone had just stabbed them, their chest heavy, why was it so hard to breathe? The healer mumbled, casting another spell, while pressing her hands down on the human’s chest plate, but Astro did not react. Motionlessly, he laid there, eyes wide open, blood dripping out of his mouth, looking smaller than Ilta’nan had ever seen him. The green light ceased as the spirit healer lifted her hands and let them fall to her lap, head bowed.  
“What…What are you doing?? Don’t stop!!!” The archer screamed at her, panic drowning out any kind of rationality and restraint. “Heal him!!! That’s an order!!! You have to save him!!!” They crawled forward and grabbed Astro’s shoulders, desperately shaking them as they pulled his upper body on their lap. “Warden-Commander Mahariel, I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.” The healer spoke up, facing her commander with sorrowful eyes, but Ilta’nan couldn’t see anything through the tears that were rapidly filling their eyes. She got up before they could say anything to her, distancing herself from the two elves.  
Zevran knelt down in front of Ilta’nan. Gently, he let go of the other elves hand; the archer just let it fall onto Astro’s chest, no strength left in their arms, their entire body felt so heavy, invisible weights pulling them down into a cold darkness they wished they’d never have to face again. Tears were streaming down the Antivan elf’s face when he carefully touched their companions cheeks; he wiped off the blood still dripping out of his mouth, wiped the loose strands of hair off his forehead. The warden-commander clawed at Astro’s armor, as if they could somehow reach into his chest and will his heart to start beating again.  
“Why is it him, why….why is he…?” Zevran looked up, expression so pained it broke Itla’nan’s heart all over again. “It should have been me. It was supposed to me. It...Should have been…” They broke off, choking up. Sobs rippled through the archer, they trapped their words in their throat, leaving them unable to speak as their world seemed to be crashing down around them. Shaking violently, they broke down, helplessly gathering Astro’s limp body in their arms. With one hand in Astro’s hair, the other one reaching to hold onto Ilta’nan’s side, Zevran brought down his head to the other elf’s shoulder. He pressed their heads together, mumbling in inaudible Antivan. Clouded with grief , it was a small attempt to provide comfort, one that said “I’m still here”. The warden-commander couldn’t hear him.  
Those green eyes, that had held so much life and joy, they were staring back at them, unseeing, unmoving. Cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies @ Atlas, I don't know why I wrote this


	4. amber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a small throwback to the very beginning of this story

A cold breeze brushed through Ilta’nan’s hair as they looked over the ledge and down into the valley below the massive stone bridge leading to Ostagar’s main camp. They were supposed to meet Duncan and Alistair in their part of the site soon, but had stopped here, on the bridge, leaning dangerously far over the stone balustrade. With a deep breath, Ilta’nan closed their eyes for a moment. Trying to drown out the sound of armored boots hitting the cobble stone, the scraping of metal on metal surrounding them, the elf struggled to calm down their racing heart. Everything was so overwhelming. It was not their first time being amongst humans, nor did they desperately want to go back to their clan, but yet Lynan found themselves taking leaving home a lot harder than they would have ever thought.

Fists clenched, they opened their eyes again, staring down at their knuckles, willing themselves to relax their strained muscles as much as possible. Earlier, the shemlen quarter master had mistaken them for his servant, complaining about their timing and trying to order the elf around. On any other day, Ilta'nan would have calmly corrected him, shrugging off such comments with ease, but they had been exhausted and hungry, having had no breakfast and only very little sleep the night before, and hence had been very close to jumping at the man and plunged their dagger in his neck for his rudeness. It had been a week since they had arrived here with Duncan, and by now they easily found their way around camp. The suspicious glances and the whispering among the soldiers had ebbed away quite a bit, much to Ilta’nan’s relief. The elf was perfectly aware of the dalish’ reputation among humans, but didn’t want to give anyone any confirmation, or support their superstitions, even though not all of the things they had overheard were too far from the truth. In fact, Ilta’nan had noticed a soldier whispering about the animalistic fighting style that dalish were said to have, and they had not been able to suppress a sly smile at the comment. More than once, the archer had been told that in battle, their stance and mimic changed drastically, resembling an predator watching its prey.

* * *

Ilta’nan pushed themselves away from the stone railings and slowly started strolling through the soldiers running up and down the bridge, shouting commands, haggling, patrolling; the elf just tagged along a group of unarmed recruits heading towards the main camp. They were curious to see who the new recruit Alistair had mentioned would be. The archer knew that Duncan had been going north, to Denerim and Highever, so the new recruit could possibly even be a city elf. They would love to speak to a city elf, since they had only heard horrendous stories about the life they were forced to live in the human cities, and Ilta’nan would much prefer to hear stories from an actual witness themselves rather than a most likely inaccurate account from the clan’s elders. Or, maybe more unlikely, what if Duncan had recruited another dalish elf? The thought made Ilta’nan both excited and anxious at the same time. Excited, because they had never had the chance to talk to a dalish outside of clan Sabrae and would love to exchange stories and just get to know live outside of their own community. Life circumstances could differ a lot even in between the dalish clans. And yet, the thought of another dalish recruit made them anxious, as the archer was sure that, if they were to travel alongside another dalish elf, they would constantly be reminded of the fact that they left their clan behind, would constantly remember people they were trying hard to forget. Having been told that Tamlen was gone, the decision to go with Duncan to join the Grey Wardens had been one of far less consideration and doubt than it would have been with Tamlen at Ilta’nan’s side. The elf subconsciously hoped that getting away from home would help them to heal, but was aware that the situation could easily backfire, possibly leaving them homesick and even more heartbroken than before.

Lost in thought, the archer continued to stroll through the encampment, taking their time to meet up with Alistair, Duncan, and the other recruits. It took them at least another ten minutes to arrive at the spot they’d agreed to meet, despite the shortest route there could have taken less than two. They had felt somewhat uncomfortable ever since they woke up that particular morning, and even though they were excited for the new arrival, they also felt strangely hesitant about meeting more new people. From afar, the elf made out the warden warrior and his mentor. The elder Grey Warden seemed to be introducing someone to him and the other present recruits, their backs turned to Ilta’nan. The closer they got, the better the archer was able to catch glances at the newest addition to their small number; long, slightly messy hair, a frown etched on her face. The group did not seem to notice their presence, and the dalish silently approached them, standing just a few steps to Alistair’s side, tilting their head with curiosity. Their bright eyes moved up and down while studying the newcomer. She looked so very young. The archer did not consider themselves an expert when it came to determining peoples ages, especially human’s, but they very sure that the girl was even younger than they were. She looked like she had not slept in days, her green eyes framed with dark circles, her hair loosely falling over her shoulders, like it had been left like this since the last time she had slept. Her dark brows furrowed, and giving the round a small, polite smile, she listened to Duncan as the commander introduced everyone. “….You have already met Alistair earlier at the gates, right? So that only leaves…” The man took a half step forward to look around Alistair, who was standing beside him, “Ah, there you are! We were already wondering if you got lost”. Ilta’nan almost scoffed, but held themselves back. They had grown up in a forest, learning to distinguish even the slightest differences in environment, for tracking, hunting, and survival under the harshest conditions. It would take a lot more than a human encampment of this size for them to get lost, they thought. “Astrophel, this is Ilta’nan. They are from one of the dalish clan in the south.” Astrophel, huh? Such a pretty name. The newcomer's eyes flashed over briefly, meeting theirs just for a moment before she lowered her eyes again, shifting from one foot to another, hahong Ilta’nan worried immediately. Had they made her uncomfortable? In their few days amongst humans, the elf had already noticed that a lot of them did not seem to be used to eye contact, but the newest recruit looked downright uncomfortable for a few seconds before she caught herself, looking back up, into the round, eyes never staying on anyone for too long. Astrophel glanced at them again, an expression on her face that the elf was not quite able to read. Was it curiosity, fear? Or was it both? Don’t stare, they noted. Subconsciously, Ilta’nan hoped she’d look at them for a bit longer. Her bright, green eyes reminded them of leaves in the morning sun, still covered in water drops from the melting hoarfrost. The dalish elf bowed their head slightly and gave their best to give a warm, encouraging smile. “Andaran atish’an”.

**Author's Note:**

> Astro is not my own character but I have permission to write him in my stories (shoutout to Atlas) since I've worked on this AU way more than on a more canon story development and somewhat consider this to be the canon story for Ilta'nan :)


End file.
